


Kanedere Killua

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fluff, Kanedere, M/M, Moolah, Multi, Other, this is killugon i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4855064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You only date rich people - and you date them for their money. That's not love."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kanedere Killua

**Author's Note:**

> Kanedere = someone who becomes involved in relationships with others for the money (basically). The word "kane" means money.  
> Belongs in the category with Deredere, Tsundere, Yandere, Kuudere, Dandere, etc.

"Some people form relationships with each other because they want someone to truly love. Some relationships form in hopes of ending conflict between nations or tribes.

"Some for status. Others just date because they want the poosy.

"I, on the other hand,

"I want fucking cash."

Killua was on his 379th date for the school semester. This time, dating one of the richest daddies in the neighborhood.

Pariston Hill.

"So, um, Killua," Pariston says with that ridiculous smile as he formally slices his steak dinner, "What are your hobbies?"

"Shut the fuck up. I'm only dating you for your money." Killua blurted out. Mashed potatoes covered his mouth and cheeks, because he's a messy eater.

"At least you're honest."

"Enough with the bullshit," Killua angrily replied, slamming his fist onto the table, "I successfully carried out the mission you wanted me to fulfill, _dear_ , now where the fuck is my cash?"

Pariston's smile grew wider. "Tell me what you did first."

"Idiot. I egged your shitty ex-boyfriend's house and his car."

"He had a car?"

"Don't ask me, dipshit! He's YOUR ex." Killua was more than annoyed now. It had been four days already and Pariston was still trying to play the small talk bullshit.

"Fine, fine."

Pariston's smile slowly dissipated and he handed Killua a stack of moolah. Killua's eyes gleamed with happiness, and he snatched the money from the table. Rising from his seat, he headed toward the exit of the building - which was a restaurant - and didn't even bother to wave.

"Consider yourself dumped, shitface. Nice cash, though." he said as he left.

Pariston was sad.

* * *

 

"Alright. That's over with." Killua spoke as he pulled a list out of his shorts pocket, "Now I don't ever have to worry about his sparkly ass anymore. Who's next on my list?"

His pupils expanded as his eyes shifted past the crossed out name of Pariston.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!"

 

* * *

Killua went home that day very angry. He was so angry that he didn't even announce that he was back to his mommy/daddy Hisoka. He instead ran upstairs and punched his pillow 300 times because he was just so pissed.

He yelled, "THERE'S NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL I'M DATING THEEEEM!!"

"What's wrong, my cute avocado?" Hisoka asked, concerned about the well-being of his illegally adopted son.

"Shut the fuck up, clown fuckhead. You wouldn't understand what I have to go through every single day of my life!" Killua retorted.

"Every _single_ day~?" Hisoka teased, "Maybe you shouldn't spend your days _single~_ "

"I said shut the FUCK up!" Killua yelled once more, "Besides, I get dates all the time..." He pouted.

Hisoka made one of his creepy smiles. "Now, now, my sweet little raspberry. You only date rich people - and you date them for their money. That's not love."

Hisoka then opened the curtains in Killua's room to reveal the bright sun, as well as a house in the distance.

"Why don't you date the sweet little boy, Gon Freecss, who lives in that house with his aunt up there?"

Killua grunted. "I hate that fucker. He chose that bastard Kite over me."

Hisoka frowned. "That's no fun~ Haven't you learned much better from the priests at church? To forgive and forget the sins of the past?"

"Fuck church. Fuck priests. All they do is touch little boys."

Hisoka chuckled. "One day you will learn, my dear sour grape, that love truly conquers all - even money~"

"Fuck you." Killua said. He buried his head in his pillow, which caused his mommy/daddy Hisoka to leave him to cool off.

Killua cried into his pillow. "I don't want to date them..."

"But, if it's for the money..."

* * *

 

 

The next day, Killua skipped school again, and was frolicking around town - half-searching for his next 'beloved,' half-trying-to-avoid-searching for his next 'beloved.' He stopped by an ice cream vendor and bought a ten scoop ice cream cone. The cone was made of waffle.

"Nothing beats a good scoop of ice cream on a hot day!" the ice cream vendor exclaimed.

Killua shooed him off after he handed the vendor the sum he owed. "Yeah, yeah. Move along, you."

Killua licked his delicious chocolate ice cream cone before he pulled out his hit-list. He nearly suffered from brain freeze as he read that name again.

Sigh. Killua took another lick from his chocolate ice cream until he noticed something, no, someone.

He ran behind a tree and hid. It was that kid, Gon Freecss.

"Fuck him!" Killua tried to speak but his mouth was full of ice cream.

Gon was walking his aunt's mother back to their house, from the doctor, apparently. They were chatting about the nice weather, the sweet songs of the birds, and the new apple tree growing in their backyard. Killua cringed.

"It's like that asshole forgot about me," he murmured as he squeezing the waffle cone. It broke and the ice cream spilled everywhere.

"FUCK!"

Gon thought he heard a familiar voice coming from somewhere.

"Killua?"

Killua gasped and held his breath.

"You know, I can smell the ice cream from here." Gon sheepishly laughed.

"FUCK YOU!" Killua screamed and he ran all the way to the doctor's office.

The doctor's office was nice. The atmosphere was less humid and cool, with rubber ducky wallpaper and a snug green carpet.

Wait, what. GREEN carpet?

"Man, that Gon sure is a sweetheart." the doctor, who was talking to somebody else said happily, "It's rare to see kids these days ditch school to help the elderly."

"Agreed."

Killua gasped. "Reolio! Kurapika!"

"....And he's unlike this problem child." Leorio added.

Kurapika facepalmed.

"Why are you here?!" Killua asked with anything-but-joy.

"Why are YOU here?" Leorio asked, "Shouldn't you be at school? Or were you sent here for your yearly checkup-"

"-Which you just received last month." Kurapika finished.

Killua kicked a glob of dust on the floor. "Tch. Shut up! I do what I want!"

Kurapika then asked, "What's the note in your hand for, then? Is it a permission slip from the school to roam town freely while classes are in session?"

Killua realized he still had the note out and tried to hold back a scream, but in the process, he dropped it.

"Don't drop that thun thun thun," a patient nearby chanted. It was Kastro, who was at the office to get his broken arm checked.

Killua yelled, "SHUT UP!"

In the meantime, Kurapika was about to pick up the note...

SNATCH!

Killua grabbed it and said, "That's right. I'm supposed to be on a hot date right now. Fuck all of you and have a shitty day." And with that, he escaped and slammed the office's door shut.

Kurapika and Leorio looked at each other completely confused.

 

* * *

"C-Can you please pass the sauerkraut, daddy?"

Killua was sweetly asking his new date - his new daddy.

Who was his new daddy? Why, it was none other than Beans, of course.

Beans had escaped his office room of stacked papers and copy machines, giving the excuse of having to 'babysit someone's kid.' However, Netero knew that wasn't the case. He was a wise old geezer. Despite knowing this, though, he willingly let Beans out of his cramped office room of harmless, yet torturous files to be filled.

Beans nodded and kindly passed the sauerkraut to Killua. "There you go."

"Thank you, daddy." Killua added sweetly before he added it to his unromantic hot dog (completo) dinner. On the contrary, Beans had a bowl full of jelly beans. He told Killua they were what kept him sane.

As the white haired cat-like boy dug into his meal and smeared his face with a mixture of sauces, Beans was chuckling evilly to himself. No more would he be seen as the 'cute little Beans' Netero always dragged around, nor he would he be thought as the 'Hunter Association's little fuccboi.' No. No, siree-bob. Once the date with this kid - Killua - was complete, he would be a daddy. He would be known as one of the Hunter Association's Big Pimp Daddies.

Well, first he needed more hoes, but it was a work-in-progress.

"Daddy, can you give me money to buy a new pair of sneakers after this?" Killua asked with the sweetest grin. Had his face not been covered in like ten different sauces, Beans might have actually find him to be adorable.

"Ye." Beans replied, "Thou shalt picketh any shoeth he pleaseth."

"YAY!!" Killua exclaimed and he went back to munching on his completo/hot dog. In his own filthy thoughts, he was thinking along the lines of, 'Oh god why the fuck am I on a date with this jelly bean? What the fuck, what am I doing with my life? Oh well he has money.'

* * *

 

Once the bill was paid, and the tip was left, and the leftovers were packed, Beans handed Killua a golden coin. Killua gasped, it was so bright and shiny!

"Here, dearest. Spendeth it on anyeth paireth of shoeths thou pleaseths." Beans said.

"Oh my god. Thank you daddy!!" Killua snatched the coin before he kissed Beans on the cheek and ran away. As usual, Killua didn't bother with contributing to the tip.

Once he was out of the fancy restaurant, he chuckled to himself demonically.

"Just a few more days of shoe-polishing and ass-kissing, and then I'm free again." he began to pick his nose as he headed for a nearby candy shop, "Still, though... Dating Beans... How fucking weird is that?"

The candy store was only five blocks from the restaurant, so getting there was no big deal. It also had a bright pink sign on the door claiming that there was a sale going on.

"Buy ten thousand jennies worth of candy and get your next five pound bag of candy FREE!" Killua read out loud. His heart skipped a beat as the word 'FREE' echoed in his mind.

"Hell yes!" He pushed the door open.

Met with the sight of bright yellow aisles, the smell of delicious sugar, and hearing the sounds of Hyuna's song BUBBLE POP, Killua placed his hands behind his head and started to stroll in.

\---Until he was met with the sight of Gon Freecss again.

"Gon, which one would you like?" Gon's aunt, Mito, asked her nephew as they stared at colorful large lollipops.

"This one!" Gon said as he held up a chocolate-dipped one.

Killua was disgusted at the sight of Gon and his aunt, but the sight of the CHOCOLATE-DIPPED LOLLIPOP almost made his eyes bulge out of his head.

He swiftly kicked a store employee down, knocking them unconscious, and stole their mascot costume to put on. It was a banana costume. To not seem suspicious, he kicked the passed out body under a table. He then waved a sign indicating the sale around.

Gon and his aunt picked up a few more lollipops before they were headed to the line at the back. Killua seethed.

'Who is he giving the candy to, anyway? His old ass grandma doesn't need it!' he contemplated, 'Or maybe it's for that bastard Kite...'

Killua shook off the thoughts by singing the store's theme song - Bana-nana-na no KAWAII~

"Ba-na Ba-na-na," he sung in a high pitched voice as Gon and Mito were passing him by. "Ba-na-na-na-na Na-na-na no Ka-wa-wa-wa-ii!"

"Hi, Killua!" Gon exclaimed. He waved at Killua before getting in line.

Killua was rudely awakened.

"W-W-WHAT?!?!!?" he yelled, "H-HOW DID HE KNOW??!"

Noticing he caught the attention of some customers, he started to sing Banana no KAWAII~ again. "Err, uh.. Ba-na-na.. Ba-Ba-Na-Na no Ka-wa-ii~" And very soon, he was catching attention from customers everywhere.

"Kyaa! So cute! When did they hire this cute little kid?" one asked.

"Adorable!"

Killua was flooded in so many cameras and cellphone flashes that he didn't even notice Gon and his aunt Mito leave the shop.

"Fuck!" he yelled, when he realized it was too late to go after them. He had to escape his flock of new fans before he could leave the store.

"FUCK OFF, ALL OF YOU!"

Taken aback, the customers backed away and he was free to move again. He did so and escaped - free of candy.

* * *

 

Killua sighed. Still in the banana costume from the candy store, he burst into the door of the house he lived in.

"I can't believe despite being the richest kid in the neighborhood as of now, I was still unable to get candy..." he mumbled to himself moodily. "And it's all thanks to that asshole Gon Freecss..."

Hisoka twirled into the room past the entrance wearing nothing but an apron.

"Welcome home, my precious little peach~" he sang.

Killua's expression switched to disgust. His eyes twitched. "Fucking gross! Can't you at least greet me fully clothed?!"

Hisoka chuckled. "There's no need to be such a sour puss~"

Killua grunted, placing his hands in his pockets and ready to head upstairs to his room.

"Well? Did you finally make-up with that delicious apple?" Hisoka then asked.

"Shut the fuck up." was Killua's response.

"Hmph~ Hmph~"

 

* * *

 

In his room, Killua tiredly played with his yo-yos and occasionally read some comic books he knew he was too old for. It was all boring, and Killua slightly wished that he had candy.

"Fucking Gon." he muttered, staring at the gold coin in his palm.

"No matter, I can buy lots more candy tomorrow after my next date with that fucking Jelly Belly jelly bean."

 

* * *

 

After some more hours of boredom, Killua was tempted to go downstairs and fetch himself a cup of milk before going to bed at his usual time - much past 1:30 A.M.

Typically, his mommy/daddy Hisoka forbade him from staying up so late, but Killua was such a rebel; he did so anyway.

Ten minutes later. His stomach growled. He was still fighting the temptation, but perhaps the cup of milk was necessary.

Five minutes later. He couldn't take it anymore. He stood up from his bed and headed downstairs.

 

* * *

He was greeted with the most horrifying sight.

Hisoka and his brother, Illumi, making out on the couch.

"OH MY FUCKING JESUS!" he screamed, surprising the two, "WHAT THE FUCK!"

"What are you doing here, my dear grapefruit~? You're supposed to be sleeping~" Hisoka asked - not that he was bothered at all or anything.

"This..." Killua began, "This is EXACTLY what pisses me off the most!"

"Hi, Kil." Illumi greeted.

"FUCK YOU!"

Killua ran back to his room angrily.

* * *

 

To keep himself sane, Killua was reading the list of sugardaddies he had up to this point.

"...Tsezguerra, Big Papi Chrollo Lucilfer, Omokage, Tsukiyama Shuu, Palm Siberia (wtf?), Gendo Ikari, Light Nostrade, Zepile, Hisoka's clown friends, Pariston Hill, and last but not least, Beans."

He circled Beans' name with a sharpie. "There, that makes my 199th daddy."

He felt so proud of himself. He felt so smug. He folded his note up, then turned off his lamp and fell into a deep slumber. His pillow was shaped like a jenny bill.

"Moolah...." he whispered in his slumber.

 

* * *

The next afternoon was just the same.

Killua dug into his sixth bowl of Lucky Charms and he was using up all the house's milk in his cereal. Nothing could save him from what he saw last night - that is, the disgusting sight of Hisoka and Illumi making out. Just the thought of it made him cringe.

"Ew."

He stuffed his face with a spoonful of cereal, cereal crumbs making their way to his cheeks yet again. He was just about to take another scoop when the doorbell rung.

"I'll get it." Killua called out, so not to interrupt whatever disgusting things his mommy/daddy Hisoka and his brother Illumi were doing upstairs in their bedroom.

"Sheesh, who the fuck is at the door THIS early?"

Killua opened the front door to see the person he least wanted to see.

Gon Freecss.

"Hi, Killua!" Gon exclaimed happily.

"H-H-Hi... Gon...." Killua responded, quite shocked.

"Are you busy right now?" Gon asked.

Killua put on his smug face again. "If I was busy, I would not have answered the door, would I?"

Gon laughed sheepishly. That was when Killua noticed a large bag in Gon's left hand.

"What's that?"

"Oh, this?" Gon held up the bag. It had a familiar logo on it - on Killua felt like he could recognize but he couldn't put his finger on it exactly...

"It's a bag of chocolate-dipped lollipops. I bought them for you to mark our fourth year of being friends!" Gon exclaimed as he handed the bag to Killua.

"Wh-what?! Really?!" Killua asked nervously.

"Un!"

Killua took the bag reluctantly, and he couldn't help but blush a little. "Err.. Uh..."

"You fucking idiot!" he then blurted out, "Why would you do this for me!?"

Gon was confused. "Killua, we're friends."

"Friends?! FRIENDS!?" Killua asked angrily, "Gon, the 'friends' bullshit doesn't cut it anymore. You and I were once something more - something wonderful. But then you sold my heart for that bastard Kite..."

Killua then bitch smacked Gon. "I hate you, B-B-BAKA!" He then ran away with tears filling in his eyes.

Gon followed him.

Killua was literally hiding under a table.

"Killua.." Gon said sadly, "Are you still upset because I asked Kite for help with my homework instead of you?"

Killua hugged the bag tightly, but once hearing this, his eyes softened.

"Wh-what...?"

"I was told Kite was better with calculus than you were so..."

"What..?"

"Killua, you know, if you wanted us to study together you really should have said so."

"T-That was for help with your homework?" Killua suddenly asked.

Gon's eyebrow arched. "Yeah. What else did you think it was?"

Killua's eyes gleamed. Not with fondness toward the candy or hatred for the spiky haired boy standing before him. He was relieved... Relieved that it really was all just a nightmare... Gon asking Kite out on a date...

"Killua?"

"Huh? Oh! Uh!" Killua was going to stand up, but he hit his head against the table and hurt his head. "OUCH!"

"Killua, you really are helpless..." Gon admitted with a sigh.

Gon had to drag his stupid friend from under the table, and then kick him onto the couch (lol). He then headed to the doorway.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later, Killua." he said as he waved, "Later!" He then began to run off.

Killua's eyes filled with tears again.

"Wait! Gon!"

Gon stopped in his tracks.

"T-Th-Thank you." Killua admitted, very embarrassed.

Gon smiled back at him. "Don't mention it!" And like that, he was gone.

Killua stared at the empty doorway for what seemed to be an eternity. He already missed Gon.

"Gon..."

"So this is what Hisoka meant when he told me that true love conquers all, and even money..."

* * *

 

Killua spent the rest of the night eating the delicious chocolate-dipped lollipops Gon bought for him. They were fucking tasty.

 

* * *

The next day, Killua was diagnosed with diabetes. He ate too much fucking candy.

"My dear pear, I can't believe you.." Hisoka said, he was crying.

"Welp, sorry." the doctor, Leorio, replied, "Maybe you shouldn't have given him an entire bag of candy. What kind of parent are you?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Hisoka yelled.

Killua was crying happy tears of joy. He didn't regret eating the entire bag of lollipops. He didn't regret it at all.

He then died.

He became a zombie, too.

The first person's brain he ate was Gon's.

"What the h-"

"NOM, NOM, NOM, BRAINS!" Gon shrieked, being zombified.

Then they went on a brain eating rampage, their love being eternal.

* * *

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> wtf


End file.
